Sunday, 28 April 2013

More Stupidity from the people who brought you

buildings falling down when nothing hit them (you know, like airplanes).

An update on the mysterious carjacking victim involved in the barnum and bailey man hunt that took place last week in boston, ma.
(insert here)
The mysterious heretofore not heard of or identified carjacking victim from the boston "terror attack" has FINALLY surfaced. And he has told his story!!! reporter from One outlet.
The boston globe.
How quaint.
So, and Im going to remember this as best as I can but I was spending much of the time laughing, cursing, and throwing objects at my radio as I listened to the story on NPR.

Here goes.
Carjacking victim decided at approx. 12:30 that fateful night to go for a "joyride". I kid you not, those were the words used on air. So victim A goes for a joyride around boston (mind you when the city was GRIPPED with terror and uncertainty in the week after the terror bombings)....and as he was driving in no particular direction, he gets a text message.
So, and this is EXACTLY what the Globe reporter said " Her got a text message, and this tells you what kind of person this man is, because........HE PULLED OVER TO THE SIDE OF THE ROAD TO ANSWER THE TEXT!!!!!"
And the silly ass reporter was being serious!!! Ok, picture painted. The guys probably got out to reverse some carbon molecules he just created also so as to make the earth a healthier place too, while he was not drivin while texting.
While he was pulled over , an older model sedan type car (read, junky P.O.S. so it MUST have been occupied by Bad PEOPLE, y'know those citizens who DONT pull over while texting), and the next thing he knows, ....

I cant make this shit up...but somebody did....

A MAN comes up to his car and says, "we're the boston bombers and we just killed a cop a coupla minutes ago!!!! Got any money!?!?!?"

Oh, you think I'm making this up. Like I said, I couldnt, but someone did. He only had 45 dollars (cuz he loves the planet and doesnt want to carry around too much cash and appear austentatious while driving his mercedes suv or somethin... So they took his ATM card and tried to use it, but they punched in the wrong PIN number. Second attempt got them 800 dollars, which was good, cuz these terrorist bastards were almost out of gas, AND they were still one gun short of being both called armed and dangerous. I imagine the tension was pretty high.
So they take the money, and drive off to a gas station to get gas. To PAY for gas. After....nevermind. While the younger terrorist is PAYING for the gas, the victim hatches a plan. Here's how he said it played out in his mind......
"The older terrorist was in the suv, but the gun wasnt in the terrorists hand, it was in the pocket in the door. So I thought I'd take my seatbelt off (I guess he didnt want the driver to get a ticket for driving without his passengers being buckled), open the door, SLAM the door, and run across the street to the convenience store there. The terrorist would have to grab the gun and shoot backwards over his shoulder while I ran". um. Well, he's the only one who's talking so we HAVE to believe his version, right?
The victim said the younger terrorist seemed not so threatening. He was "goofy". But the OLDER one, why HE was the BAD seed. He was all serious. And he was the one with the gun. Yeah. One gun. Even though they supposedly killed the MIT officer for his gun, with their gun, they still only had one gun. Want to know WHY they still only had one gun? Because these two terrorists who crippled an entire city and maimed hundreds of people with their home made bombs,..............couldn't figure out how to get the officers gun, out of the dead officers holster.
Again, I can't make this up. They could make a bomb that WORKS, but they cant find the button on the holster that releases the gun. Yep. That makes sense. But seeing how there was a funeral with thousands of lawr enfortcement types all lined neat and pretty and saluting and respectful, you are not allowed to question the official story. Just be remorseful and respectful dammit. No questions asked.
Oh, and shazzzam. Like I mentioned in my previous rant/post/take on the week's events, the victim "remembered" that his cellphone was in his car. And the good 9-11 call taker told him that his CAR had a gps tracking device on it as well.
The frazzled Mercedes owner said "it DOES?!" Well, now the chase was easier than tracking O.J. driving on the san bernadino hwy in a white bronco @ 20 mph. They could watch the pretty blinking red dot on a map, in real time. No helicopters or breaking news needed.
Well, they did that anyways, but AFTER the cops and robbers (bad guys/terrorists/wanna be jihadists) did a reenactment of the OK corral shootout. Helluva shoot out considering the bad guys only had one GUN, and the victim who was painstakingly detailed in his script, DIDN'T mention a stockpile of extra ammo or magazines (those things that the ammo goes into).
Huh. Big time gunfight with the cops firing a coupla hundred rounds, and the bad guys had one gun and one magazine. 15 rounds, max. They did have bombs though. And flung them at the officers (who were firing furiously at the bad guys). Hum. The victim didnt mention the stockpile of home made bombs being transferred into his SUV when they carjacked it.
Oh well. His mind was probably preoccupied with "slamming the door" details of his story. He was there, not me.
I believe every word of what he and the news media said happened. Every word. All those nuts that say the older brother was arrested, stripped nekked and placed in custody, BEFORE being shot and killed and run over by his brother, well, they're just nuts.
Even IF they are CNN reporters. That story changed, like so many stories change over time.
I believe it all.

On a happier upbeat note, this morning on NPR's news, there was a line about "The Taliban in Afghanistan ANNOUNCED that they would be starting their spring campaign soon".


okaaaaaaay. MY mind went to........Since when do groups like The Taliban make ANNOUNCEMENTS about "starting their spring campaign"!?!?!? It sounds like a new spring fashion line. "over heah we have AllyBoobah in a light but suprisingly comfortable assault gown......"
I dunno. doesn't make sense to me.
It would make a great skit on saturday night live though.
Have a Taliban lookin announcer standing outside a cave opening in the Hindu-Kush Mts with a mike and a smoke machine, and ..........well......

".....AAAAAAAAAnd HERE'S you STARTING lineup for the Spring 2013 campoaign!!!!! Starting at Suicidebomber, HIS whole family was blown to smithereenes while attending a wedding reception in 6 ft. 2 in......number forty SEVEN...........Aaaaaaaaaaachmed Shlazoooooooooomeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!! (haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah)
....AND .at 15 years old, recently orphaned by a freedom spreading drone in Khandahar........starting as first machine gunner in the back of a modified Toyota pick up truck.........NUMber TWENTY TWO............... ShraZHACK TZmoook..zl....ah.
ahem (haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah)

.......And returning for his FORTY EIGTH spring 84 years of Allah Blessed age..............The Talliban's Taliban man.............NUMber 99.........Osaaaaaaaaaama BIN LAAAAAAAAAAADENNNNNNNNN!!!!!!!!!!!........." ( fistpumping with one hand, dragging dialysis machine with the other......)

You have to do the visual part yourself. Mine was pretty funny.
Not as funny as listening to the news, but pretty funny.

Oh. One more thing m'am. It seems there was a piece of a jetliner found. In NYC. A coupla blocks from ground zero. Last week. Investigators wore HAZMAT suits while investigating the heretofore missed piece of wreckage from that horrific day, 12 years ago. The investigators were worried about potential radioctivity in the piece of wreckage. And nobody batted an eye over that comment. The whole concept is preposterous enough, but WHY would a piece of plane wreckage from a plane crash 12 years ago be contaminated with radiation!?!?

carry on. Try to think while you're carrying, though.

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